TGA Tour
I am entering the Master’s TGA Tournament, today. Since being diagnosed as having TGA (Transient Global Amnesia), the landscape changes with each day’s course. Thus, the pun and terminology reflecting golf. Figured I had to put something in here for the sports-minded people to maintain interest.
As some of you will recall, I had the TGA event on a Wednesday evening in late June. Got outed by my boss, neighbors and daughter for being incoherent, and slapped into the old hospital, against my will on Thursday. I equate this to the Pre-TGA tournament prep.
Released on my own recognizance the following Saturday, I am ready to start!
Hole 1, PAR, outside of the memory hole of 36 hours, is a doozy. My neighbor was kind enough to pick me up and bring me home. No notes or follow-up documentation, other than a paper explanation of my diagnosis. It’s very rare, TGA. They don’t know causes, but there was one possible cause listed as SEXUAL Event! Damn, not possible — bummer. I have no idea when it will strike again. I laid out a timeline in a previous article, recalling what I believe are several events over the past 3 years. I just didn’t put them together because I had never been caught or diagnosed prior. I, of course, don’t remember them at the time, either. HA! Funny.
Hole 2, Double Eagle, HOLE-IN-ONE on the first day of the TGA Tournament. The day I had to drive to the airport alone and pickup my daughter. She is worried and flying against my wishes during a pandemic, to see me. My daughter is somewhat a germaphobe, so I knew she would be cautious and covered like an astronaut walking on Mars. I was right. She even brought trash bags to cover her suitcases so they would touch nothing in the plane. Gotta love that kid. In my mind, I was back. 100% back. I drove. I picked her up. I was successful. Funny, she didn’t see it that way.
Hole 3, PAR. Monday, my work calendar was extremely full. No lie, it started at 6am and I was not able to get off the phone until 6PM. I had so much work to do, it was taxing for a normal brain day. I don’t know how I got through it, but I did. I don’t remember a lot of this day and hope I didn’t make many grievous errors. The word retirement crept into my thoughts. I experienced some anger, too. Every time I need to take a moment for myself, the job rears its ugly head and takes back my free time. There is no back up for me. There is no support for FM in my company. It’s normally a pace that I thrive on but now, I was just mad that I couldn’t take a day to recuperate from a brain event. Hole 3 was just driving down the fairway, one stroke after another… (bad pun).
Watch out for Hole 4, Double Bogey as there are BIG sand traps. Tuesday was not as good. We decided to pick up an item at a department store. This is a store I have been in a million times. We shopped and found what we were looking for and when I looked up, I had lost Macy. Immediately, I panicked. I was lost. Ridiculous, right? I had an anxiety attack as I wandered aimlessly looking for her. She saw me and came running over. Apparently, I was crying and couldn’t breathe. Don’t remember the crying part. She told me this was too much to try and do, so we went home.
Hole 5, another Double Bogey. In the woods and things are rather dark. Wear a hat with a light on it, to see better. I felt like an idiot. Small and needy. So very unlike me, in any state of mind, normally. Things are different. Humiliating to say the least. A pleasant but rather unusual event is that my brother called and asked if he could come up to see me. Funny, but not funny, I immediately thought, “Shit, if he’s calling to ask, I must be dying, and no one wants to tell me.” I thought this because everyone is suddenly worried and trying to come see me. Weird thought, right?
Hole 6, PAR/Birdie. I spent part of the holiday with my family. It was a good visit. I was mentally alert and remember most of the day. The reason I love seeing my brother is because we speak about things no one else does. We are both not afraid to tackle philosophical, abnormal subject matter and all things weird that we have in common. We are also both, polysyllabic and not afraid… How I miss people that use big words. Correctly, in advanced thoughts that come out of their mouths like dreams. Hell, we don’t even teach penmanship in schools anymore. I think his back and forth dialogues with me helps. It creates a good cadence for me. I felt smart for a minute. I could understand and engage in conversation at an advanced level. I survived it. I participated in it. I remembered it. Outstanding!
Hole 7, Eagle. On the Fourth of July, I had what I would call a regular Traci day. I really was at 100%. My daughter caught me making a statement showing that I remembered a conversation we had on the Wednesday night of the TGA. That was a breakthrough. My memory was returning. The funny thing about this is that I forgot that I had forgotten the conversation. Twisted, but funny. Everything else was perking, though. I felt great mentally.
Hole 8, PAR. Today, I realized there have been no articles. Slacking. The desire is there but a weird phenomenon is happening. The minute I look at something electronic, a kind of tired hits me like a speeding train. It’s instantaneous. It’s real. It’s debilitating. My eyelids become immediately heavy and tired. Sheesh, no psychology there, eh? I am making myself write anyway. This feeling must be overcome. After all, 90% of my job is electronic in nature. 16 million people out of work, so let me just say I am grateful to still be employed.
Hole 9, Left the TGA…. Aww. This golf analogy was getting tedious. I don’t even play golf. Rest assured, I will not be keeping a daily diary of my mental recovery. Who the Hell wants to read this? No one. It’s helping me mentally to write it, though. I will take my blessings where I can get them. It would seem that I have good days and bad days. I am not always aware. That shit’s gotta quit, right? I need to be aware all the time.
I have no idea what’s in store for me. It’s made procrastinating about life issues stop, though. Macy and I have done the POA’s and information swaps. I don’t want to ever be a burden to her or anyone. I am experiencing this monumental change during the most unusual period of US history and a global pandemic. Then again, my timing has always been crap. I shouldn’t be surprised.
Even though I left the TGA after 9 holes, I am still the MASTER.
